Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2017  with  funding  from 

University  of  Illinois  Urbana-Champaign  Alternates 


https://archive.org/details/sorrowsofwerteraOOgart 


,AR'v.-  •  .  ..  : 

.SUBSTITUTE  PAPERS  . 


THE 


O.  GARTH,  JR. 


OF  LYNCHBURG  VA  . 

PUBLISHED  BY  THE  LAUGHING  STOCK  .CO.  ATTHE 

ANTI-CONSCRIPT  OFFICE 

.  COLUMBIA  S.C. 

• 

Our  hero,  Washington  Wellington  Werter,  Esq.,  proceeds  to  f*  imbibe/1 
and  discourse  with  his  friends  upon  the  u  duties  of  the  hour,’*  u  Secessia  expects 
every  man  to  do  his  duty” — “  'T  is  sweet  to  die  for  one’s  country” — 4  How  sleep  the 
brave  win V/'  &c. — u  The  most  precious  tears  are  those  with  which  heaven  bedews  the 
uuburied  head  of  the  soldier”—1 u  Give  me  liberty,  or  give  me  death.” 

V.  S.— Mr.  W.  *‘has  a  substitute  in,” 


Scene — Home.  Time— a  few  days  after.  Mr.  W.,  witli  mingled  emotions  of 
?age  and  despair,  reads  an  .account  of  the  passage  of  the  anti-substitute  law-  Impas¬ 
sioned  soliloquy  ensues :  “  Unconstitutional  ” — u  Habeas  corpus  ” — “  Military  despo¬ 
tism  Civil  liberty  ostracised”— ■“  Violation  of  a  solemn,  explicit  contract” — 
J<  Treachery  in  the  councils  of  the  Confederacy  “  Will  never  submit  to  it,  no, 
se?eM-r-r !”  ; 


FI.  Ill 


9  7  3;  7? 

u*  '  7  S 


Our  hero- vents  his  spleen  upon  the  ambient  air — his  rage  efervesces  harmlessly  v 
Grown  calmer,  ho  proceeds  gravely  to  scratch  Jus  heath  '  he  unfailing  resource  of  th^ 
troubled.  Being  fertile  in  expedients,  he  is  not  long  in  doubt  as  to  the  proper 
course  for  a  well-disposed,  peaceable  citizen  to  pursue 

U/iiRSIJY  OF  * 

'  |  t  'U-Wts  IJdPAfw 

u 


PI  IV 


Thereupon  a  happy  thought  strikes  him.  il  How  strange  that  it  did  not  occur 
to  him  before !”  The  very  ticket.  “He  Ml  do  it  forthwith  !”  “Will  apply  imme¬ 
diately.  so  as  to  be  ahead  of  ail  others  u  Weeping  may  endure  foi*  a  night,  but 
ioy  cometh  in  the  morning.”  Whistles  with  energy  and  spirit  “  Bonnie  Blue  Flag.” 


PI.  VJ1. 


Our  hero  walks  the  street  for  relief— according  to  Victor  Hugo,  the  universal 
report  of  the  distressed  Takes  up  the  suggestion  ot  his  friend,  looks  at  »t  from 
rvory  possible  standpoint,  aud  concludes'  that,  under  the  pressure  of  a  military 
necessity,  he  will  (t change  his  base/' 


/ 


Home  again.  Hits  upon  the  happy  expedient  of  resurrecting 
his  old  rheumatism.  Seeks  relief  from  the  “cankering  cares”  of 
the  day  in  “the  balm  of  hurt  minds”  and  an  ounce  of  paregoric. 


Pl.vm. 


PL  IX. 


--xt 


:/m  , 


Visions  of  glory  visit  him  in  the  “horrid  middle  of  the  night,  " 


' 


pi.k. 


Doctor  Pastor  Hoyle  diagnoses  the  case,  and  pronounces  it  a  case  of  legitis, 
complicated  with  aggravated  conscript  is  officinalis.  Prescribes  the  pleasant  anodyne 
of  perfect  quiet  arid  permanent  (no  such  word  in  the  conscript  vocabulary)  exemp¬ 
tion  from  military  service.  The  unapproachable  disciple  of  Esculapius  promises  to 
appear  before  the  Board”  and  certify  to - almost  anything. 


BEFORE  THE  BOARD. 


r 


pi.mi 


W.  Wellington  Werter,  Esq.,  is  astonished  that  the  numerous  and  volura 
inous  certificates  of  his  medical  friends  avail  him  nothing  with  the  President,  who 
examines  them  attentively,  and  then  “  lays  them. on  the  table.”  His  chest  was  then 
furiously  “  percussed,”  to  ascertain  whether  he  was  solid*  or  hollow  inside.  Did  he 
“cut  his  toe-nails  of  a  Sunday?”  had  any  of  his  family  or  relatives  ever  died  from 
“lack  of  breath,”  or  “any  other  cause?”  The  President  congratulated  him  on  bein^ 
a  sound  man,  and  fit  for  the  field.  The  sleepy  official  at  the  table  suspends  'his  pipe 
to  record  opposite  our  hero’s  name  on  the  lists  “I.  F.  W.”  “He  ’ll  do — good  egg” 
and  other  stenographic  expressions  of  his  fitness  for  service.  Has  ten  minutes  fin- 
lough  to  get  ready  to  leave. 


PL  VJX. 


7 


Affecting  parting  with  his  Betsey  Ann  and  the  little  one, 
“  Parting  is  such  sweet  sorrow/’  &c> 


% 


pair. 


FURLOUGH  EXPIRED, 

He  hastens  to  the  rendezvous  in  time  to  leave  for  camp 


PL  XYL 


/'?) 
(f  j 

u  , 

u 


“WHEN  THIS  CRUEL  WAR  IS  OYER.1’ 


